| my health/fitness, and Jillian (biggest loser) |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|03:30 am] |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGxZ1GQOKGI
-this is a 10 minute interview will Jillian Micheals, something i checked out after watching the biggest loser
for those of you who havent physically seen me in a while, i put on like 25 more pounds on top of my initial 20 lb nursing school weight gain last semester, i peaked out at 263 pounds, its not quite biggest loser heavy but still fairly significant because only about 3 years ago i was hovering around 200 pounds,
i listened to this interview and it really drove home what i have been experiencing the last month or so, i stopped alcohol, caffiene, and fast food all together (still some social alcohol), started balancing my diet, and i have been working out 6 days a week and have been feeling a huge difference, i feel absolutely incredible. its like Jillian said in her interview, i feel emotionally empowered by it,
i knew working out was important before, i dont think i really understood how important working out was until i started back again, i didnt appreciate the fitness that i had before until i started getting some of it back, being healthy was normal up to that point, ive never had stage one hypertension,
when i was gaining the weight in school, i said i didnt have the time to workout, cause i was studying, truth be told, the workouts help me with my studying, not only do i listen to the recorded lectures now on my ipod in the gym, i have more genuine energy from the workouts, and more focus, my body is much more efficient, i feel more confident, more powerful, i still weigh about 260 but im stacking the weights on fast at the gym, my arms grew an inch last month and i think some muscle replaced the fat, my blood pressure was 126/71 at walmart today, 2 months ago it was 140s over high 90s
its like Jillian was saying about results and expectations, i havent lost much weight...yet, but feel way better, i was getting winded going up a single flight of stairs, and that was taking my time, (a far cry from the 5 miles i used to run at lsu) i was starting to feel like a frog slow boiling in a pot, well, not anymore, i may not be slim and trim yet but i didnt expect to be, nor do i expect to be next month or the month after, the idea of it is that it is a lifestyle, if it means i only lose 3 pounds a month then so be it, i need to be comfortable with my permanent lifestyle, i need to not feel hungry all the time on a stupid diet, and im not, i eat, a normal balanced diet, and as i work out, it changes my subconscious outlook
when im not working out, my self esteem is low and i eat lots of junk because im fat anyway and it wont be any different tomorrow regardless so depression flows in and so do the burgers, but i found that now that im working out and putting in the time at the gym, i dont want to ruin it on 3 minutes of eating a large fry, i dont want them, my body chemical balance is different than it was last month, im not hungry all the time like a was before, if i had to guess i would say its because of my body's better use of insulin and lack of insulin spikes and drops, i wont explain the chemical nature of it but the more your body works to burn calories, the better it works and more stable it becomes with regard to absorption of energy into cells, i can already feel the difference, of course this also has alot to do with not spiking my blood glucose with simple sugars all the time as well and just the workouts
the creed of the biggest loser is "start the process change forever" now i dont skip workouts to study, i workout so i can study better, so i can think better, so i can have more confidence, i worked out monday night, the night before one of the scariest tests of nursing school, and i did fine on it
if i had to send home a take home point to anyone reading this including my future self, the key to everything health and fitness starts in the gym/track/city park/living room floor/whatever...and putting it in your schedule, and doing it everyday as minimal as it may be, (brisk walk around the block)
with all the exposure i have had to health and fitness knowledge, the fact that i weigh 260 is just unacceptable, we all know what we should and shouldnt be doing, and the consequences, its just easy to forget, make false priorities like watching tv, if you can just manage to make yourself go to the gym, and just do any kind of workout, cardio, weights, spin class,.........that is everything, just do that, squeeze it in your schedule somehow, as part of your daily routine, and everything will fall into place, all of those little facts you have heard over the years will go from being trivial to being application, it changes everything, you just need to start and continue, set goals but make them small and progressive, i once heard a doctor say that one ounce of prevention is worth a pound of medicine, working out is prevention of problems on so many levels that can save you alot of expensive medicine later |
|
|
| my life moving forward |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|12:15 am] |
today is a big day for me, its the last day that i am exposing myself to politics, political discussions, news, drama, alcohol, adult swim, comedy central(except southpark). (ill probably still watch adult swim......and drink on fridays) its because school is going to be a living hell this semester, from what i can tell, i have never been exposed to anything quite this difficult though i wont know until the first test. i have mostly isolated myself from all of my friends and will turn into a boring book reading recluse for the next 3 and a half months. super exciting stuff, the good news is that summer will be a nice break and senior 2 isnt that bad so its smooth sailing after this semester.....up until the NCLEX
this might be the most miserable 3 and a half months of my life, i passed everything so far and i am ahead of the game with studying, i just need to keep it up
i weighed in at 254 today at the rec, its about 9 pounds lighter than my high at the end of last semester's hellishly close failure. and my blood pressure dropped 20 points to near normal, sometimes i wonder how many years nursing school is shaving off of my life.
i have at least learned that i dont deal with stress well and i cant let that happen again, i need to stay on top of my game, stay ahead of the curve, keep my stress down, and most importantly, avoid stress eating and workout. I tried starting the p90x program last night and i couldnt keep up with it, i dont know if i have ever felt this out of shape, im actually going to have to do some training before i can even start with the routine, sad times, but i will be persistent this time, anyone reading this is my witness
on a side note, Lost is coming on tomorrow, I am hoping that we get to find out wtf that big ass foot is on the beach, i will still be watching lost, that isnt changing because of school, terrorists, asteriods........suffice it to say, i will not neglect my Lost
does anyone want to go to the monster truck rally with me? its saturday the 31 in the superdome....its going to be awesome! video games to follow at my apartment across the street
another side note, i would like to congratulate pre........, presi..........ppppp.........., cant get it out, i dont think im ready yet, ill try again in 3 and half months |
|
|
| exciting times |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|02:01 pm] |
today has been a great day, i finally wrapped up my clinical at children's hospital which is great because i couldnt stand it much longer, that by itself is cause for celebration, but not as much cause as this chilly weather. I am so excited about breaking out all of my chilly weather music, stuff like ben folds, the cranberries, imogen heap/frou frou, alanis, the streets, radiohead, alice in chains, enya(the celts), enigma.
this weather is just so awesome, i feel better, i am happier now in the dry cool air, i am way more productive and much more likely to work out. I have also found that i think i am officially burnt out on politics and anything else that involves heavy thinking, like, im completely done with it, i dont even want to talk about it, i cant even read the blogs anymore, its all the same shit, i cant even watch the news because its all polls and what the candidates did today, i cant explain things to my friends without it aggravating me, i am fucking done, i am getting out of the oven. Im just taking a breath and enjoying life |
|
|
| medicine and stuff |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|03:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
this actually started as a response to Dr. Victoria, it just got hella long and i started typing fast and drifting off topic so i stuck it up here, it about the current state of medicine which is pretty much a journal because im stuck in the middle of it, sorry Grace if i rip on lawyers too much, i know you will be a good one and not an evil one that destroys medicine,
i always hated trial lawyers, they are such a drag on the system, costing millions and contributing nothing to the medical community, i know some doctors that pay more in malpractice than i will ever make as a nurse, this is disturbing to me, halting the flow of money to the lawyers and for profit insurance companies would help alot
i have also been toying with the idea of the bill the passed in mass.,
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/04/04/AR2006040401937.html
i know this sort of goes against my principles of liberty but if you think about it like everyone having to pay insurance in some respect, this allows for plenty of money to be pumped into the system and it allows for people to still maintain their own choice which keeps hospitals more competitive and less utilitarian (however the government might want to define that one of these days) the downfall here is that true libertarians like me are pissy by no longer having the choice of not having health insurance (which would be dumb now a days but still, its less freedom to be fined for not having it) this really is actually similar to a tax credit, im not sure if this would work, im curious to see what happens in massachusetts
i guess what really scares me is the government getting too much control and regulating things that they arent qualified to regulate, like nancy pelosi telling me how my health care is going to work, or even how much doctors and nurses get paid, "Physician services accounted for 22.7 percent of total U.S. health spending in 1999, compared with 15.2 percent in the median OECD country." (there is cost regulation for ya, cut the doctors down, i know that most doctors are passionate about their work but i think incentive is in order, i think that passion can only take a profession so far before you have to start spending money to attract the greater minds of society,
doctors should at least be able to pay loans back within 5 years of getting an MD,.. take that money away and i dont see people becoming doctors, why would people choose to be in debt until they are 40, i know that people dont become doctors for the money, i just think they give more than they get, they should get more, doctors are already seeing a huge drop in salary, or better said, a failure to keep up with inflation, (i did some research in the first undergrad days) it just sucks when they are basically not getting cost of living raises, although still much more than other countries, in the future, as we become more progressive and european under democratic leadership, i see these payment figures falling further, (progressive government regulation) OBAMA!!! AHHH!!!!...
politics aside, you get lesser minds being attracted to the field, less competition for admission to med school, lesser standards of practice to get those through,(granted lots of that lost information will never be necessary anyway) etc. i am already hearing doctors say dont do it, its not worth it. and thats now, are my doctors of the future going to be all indian imports? working for citizenship and a bigger cut compared to the homeland? not that there is anything wrong with that, but still,
why does this matter to me? because i will be a nurse having to answer to these people not to mention the possibility of being under their care, and most likely not get to pick which one i get, and i will know if they are good or not which probably makes it worse
long story short, its a rough field, and i think doctors need incentive to work as hard as they do, they should get paid for the headaches and gray hairs, particularly with all the pressure to be perfect and the john edwards's of the world holding an axe over their heads, and i dont want to have to answer to dumbass doctors coming out of med school (perhaps the caribbean if the hospitals get desperate) in 20 years when all of the good docs will be retired from frustration and living comfortably on stocks somewhere in the mountains, or will they......vote nov. 4th! i mean, the docs are ok now from what little exposure i have had, but where is it going? i am already seeing the signs of devo
may be no where, may be it will all be fine and i am just paranoid, may be passion will outweigh reduced salary and increased workloads(if increased workloads is physically possible), may be obama will fix......this wont end well, nevermind, i cant even relate anymore,
quick story, today at clinical there was a big fight between the docs and nurses over a bad order from a resident and the attending chewed out the nurse for not acting on it and my instructor is like...are you sure this is what you want to do with the rest of your life?...halfway joking and halfway serious, the honest answer is, i dont know anymore, im wondering if this was a mistake for me from the beginning, if i should even be here, i cant turn back now, (too far in debt), i cant think of anything better right now, but i find myself questioning way too much, i just hope its better when i get out of here, i think LSU is making me bitter, this really is a miserable school, i just dont know if i see myself in nursing in 5 years, may be crna, but not RN nursing, it is too early to tell for sure |
|
|
| message from my clinical instructor |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|03:56 pm] |
"Hi, Louis, just finished reading your last journal and reviewing your pt. care maps. All of your paperwork was very well done and met all criteria. I really enjoyed reading your journals, they were refreshing and very well written. Remember what I said, you definitely have the potential to further your career, whether it be as a CRNA or in some type of research. You have the brain power to go up the ladder!! Good Luck in your remaining nursing courses,and remember, if you need any references in the future, just email me and I will oblige."
this was my post clinical experience assessment, my instructor really made me feel good, she told me that out of all of the students that she ever had, I definitely need to do further work past my R.N., and she said if not med school than definitely CRNA, im still not sure what i am going to do at this point, CRNA has been the agenda for a while, i just know that i want to graduate and get out of this state for a while, its just nice to get a genuine compliment from a voice of experience |
|
|
| my mind in the heat of political season, please chime in |
[Oct. 1st, 2008|01:31 am] |
for those of you out there who are voting for obama, can you tell me why?
and can you do it regarding specific issues?
here is the game, i say an issue, then i say what i think, then you copy paste and disagree in the comments
this isn't about drinking koolaid (self righteous rhetoric), this is about specific issues, NOT IDEALS, real ideas, example, "universal health care is good" vs "health care costs over 2 trillion a year(do the math, thats 3 times the 700 billion bailout, how do we get tax money for that?" another example......"take/tax it from rich people" vs "upper class income generates this much at this tax rate, which is lower/higher at obama's tax rate and can support ??? many lower income people" another example, "well it works fine in canada" vs "random polling of universal health care states suggest this, or, include demographic data relative to the United States and not a small country like France"
ok, here we go with the spawn points.........
because he is black-that is racist and not relevant
because he is going to lower taxes for 95 percent of people-look it up from a few different sources before you use this one, the mechanics of the statement are decieving
because i want free health care- wait.....where does the government get its money? oh right, you and me, so that basically means people too irresponsible to get healthcare must punish everyone else who did it right, doesn't the government cover lower income people already anyway? short answer YES
because he is for change-definition of change....fill in this blank based on what change means to you, look it up, and find something that barack obama has done, voted on, not just said, to support this issue
because john stewart and steven colbert like him......if you get your news from these guys, just remember, they live in hollywood and get paid by the media, they don't experience real world issues first hand, and their viewers (people they cater to for money) are mostly democrats and young people, and their segments are taken out of context for a laugh......just saying, they are not a credible source of information
because he is charismatic.......are you joking? this is the last thing you want in a person who is explaining things to you, i hope a used car salesman sells you a car with no engine compression and you trust him because he is charismatic
because he is better than mccain? hmm, subjective answer, how so? can you name something specific? hot button issues are ok i guess
because i am a devout liberal and cant vote for anyone who is prolife-thats your philosophy, but i doubt many supreme court judges get appointed in the next four years, if any, so, lets think about other issues for this term
because i am a democrat and i am true to my party...i just feel sorry for these people, mccain is pretty liberal in many respects, he is good friends with ted kennedy of all people and feingold, if that isnt bipartisan, i dont know what is, i urge those flowing with the tide to think for themselves
because i am for gay marriage-...is that up to the president? or the state? well...right now its....the ones whom this pertains should know this answer, if you vote based on this, you need think a little harder, find something where obama has stood up for you, better yet, why do you even care about state recognition anyway, what happened to true love? yall some gold diggas,
because he has 300 foreign policy advisers telling him what to say?... well, the way i see it, mccain still took him here in the debate and mccain basically is his own foreign policy adviser, mccain has some too but i think they are more for keeping him updated, not for education and providing buzz phrases
because kanye west thinks obama is the best and also george bush hates black people, please think for yourself and make up your own mind, celebrities, at least based on their statements, don't do much research
and talk with more emotion than logic
because mccain is old and unattractive?.. again with the way our country is headed, don't be so superficial, think about the substance of what they are saying, not what they look like
because i hate war and i dont want my tax dollars supporting it? well, i dont think anyone likes war, republicans have used war in the past to scare voters into voting for candidates, but, radical islam is very real, russian nukes pointed at us are very real, the russian invasion of georgia was real, saddam's stash of 500 tons of yellow cake uranium found a few months back was very real(for those who don't know, this is what you make nuclear weapons of mass destruction out of), china is real, north korea is real, the list goes on, but trust me, we need a strong, modern, and bad ass military, oh yeah, and oil is real, i know blood for oil is bad, its a little deeper than that, oh and oil companies are evil, which they are, but in case you havent notice, plastic, fertilizer, some power, almost all cars, food transportation networks, tractors, your clothes, the gas that was responsible for the materials that built your house, your cut grass, everything on the shelf at walmart, i guess thats enough, is all there because of oil, we need it to survive now, we either need it to keep flowing or people need to start dying, all over the world
did i miss anything? i probably did, fill me in, ill probably put this on myspace
please comment me back with disagreements, i like to be challenged, please bring facts, and i mean real facts, and we aren't playing the blame game here, im not here to defend bush, if you want to blame him, please reference a specific action on his part, trust me there are plenty of screw ups to be talked about |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|10:06 pm] |
Here's the ten questions James Lipton asks at the end of every "Inside the Actor's Studio." Post them, answer them, then get your friends to do the same.
1. What is your favorite word?
beautiful
2. What is your least favorite word?
cunt
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
When complex symphonies of systems climax into perfect efficiency and harmony.
4. What turns you off?
ignorant people with no perspective or appreciation for what they have
5. What is your favorite curse word?
fuck, its so universal
6. What sound or noise do you love?
a throaty V8 engine screaming at high rpm followed by screeching tires.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
is rap considered mindless noise? if not, people smacking their lips at the table
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
a writer, all topics except sports
9. What profession would you not like to do?
politician, but i may have to anyway, i have a feeling the world is going to need me
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
you are not crazy, everybody else is, pretty funny prank right? |
|
|
| long overdue update |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
i start nursing school again on the 12th, im halfway done at the moment, i just have 3 semesters left and from what i hear, the worst is over.
I should be getting my new apartment in the next couple of weeks, its going to be in the same building right here in the residence hall, its going to a one bedroom, its going to be great to not have to share a bathroom, a kitchen, and a sink with 11 other guys who don't have there mothers around to clean up after them.
The cottage on my grandparents' ranch is working out great, i love it there, i'll probably spend the rest of my time over there before school starts next week, minus this friday and saturday with Erryca.
Projects- the jet ski is coming together nicely, i got the engine put together and it actually runs now, though i havent painted it yet and it hasnt seen water yet so i dont know if the cooling system works. my dad gave me his van, a 97 full size ford E-150. it needs a little TLC, i think the computer is dead and it needs a new paint job, it will be a good solid addition to the fleet though, that puts me up to 4, upgrades to come for the van include a custom paint job, indash dvd player, full on surround sound, and i will probably take all of the seats out
Ive decided to make a bucket list, i know that is sort of for old people but i have a lot of stuff that i want to do, it may take me my whole life to do it all so im thinking i need to start now. i will post it later whenever i finish it
i turn 26 tomorrow, birthdays always make me reflect back on life so far and what i have accomplished, i feel like i am a little behind on where i thought i would be at this age, 10 years ago, i would have thought that i would just be getting out of med school, well, not there exactly, but this is fine, i find myself increasingly interested in mechanical and electrical engineering....career change? not likely, but as a nurse i can make a decent living working 3 days a week, what ever will i do with those other 4 days a week?...... probably learn about engineering, if not only for my own amateur interest, i might even call around at universities to see what crazy research they are working on, see if they will let me visit, the future of technology is just so exciting. i have a feeling that i will be in school for a long time to come, overall i would say my future looks pretty good, only 25,000 in debt, working toward my second degree, no kids or wife (that was planned), i would say that i am set up pretty good to do what i want with my life, not ending up in med school worked out well for me because i think i would have been miserable, i just dont have the dedication to medicine necessary to be a doctor, i cant focus my attention long enough to one thing, it would bore me, i am just too eclectic, i am sort of a jack of all trades, nursing seems to fit right into that category for medicine |
|
|
| trimming fat, getting back to phat |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|10:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the dorm | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the knife | ] |
i went to the gym today, i think im really serious this time, time tired of being fat, this past stressful semester of school packed some weight on me, i am up to 250 right now, ive never weighed this much, i have to figure out a new way to deal with school stress that doesn't involve eating. my goal is to get back down to my "fighting weight" which is around 215 but i am trying a different technique than before, it helps to type it out and to know that other people are reading it, helps with accountability, anyway, its not going to be a regular "diet", where i dont eat because those arent permanent enough. ive done this before and it works but school always messes me up. its just healthy living. im not going to focus on the actual weight, im just going to stick to the routines. i set up a serious weight training program, i did it today and i couldn't even finish it, i can't believe how out of shape i am, i just have to stick with it, im going to burn the fat off by working out like crazy and reducing calorie intake and thinking thin, but i will eat when i am hungry, but i will eat slowly and stop when im not hungry anymore, and do this often, order the smallest possible meals at restaurants, and i will try to live my life like that going forward, and that is it in a nutshell,
soooo....what brought this on? i just hate being fat, i miss my confidence which is now to the point where i avoid any activities that involve pools or taking off shirts or even trying to attract girls, its in my subconscious and its eating away at me and its time for a change. On that note, im going to throw away the doritos and cheese dip in my fridge, the first sacrifice moving forward, all the while, chanting my silent new mantra, "you are what you eat" |
|
|
| every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|01:33 pm] |
last night was it, i am officially unemployed, its strange, i actually cried when i was leaving for the last time, i felt like a piece of me died, as much as i hated the havoc that job had on my social and academic life, it was a huge part of my life for the last 5 years and provided all my income, every weekend without fail i would be on that forklift hanging out with the same people, i think i cried because that part of me is now gone forever, that Lou that everyone knew at walmart, one of the jedi of unloading is affectively dead, i feel like obi wan getting struck down, but i will only be stronger
the warehouse, for all its faults, did have its pluses, i did enjoy the escape from the other reality, i liked turning off my phone and leaving it in my car knowing that nothing bad could happen, at least until i got off, i wouldnt know about it, i did a lot of thinking on those lifts, isolated from having (or being able to) study, life's troubles disappeared for 14 hours, i will have to replace this meditative time. i think im going to start walking in through the park, with my phone in the car
and i am going to miss the people, some of them, it was like its own little community, and we looked out for each other and took care of each other, its just a strange feeling knowing that it is all gone, i couldnt help but think of Ike, my friend that died 2 years ago that i worked with, i passed by his memorial on the way out and almost broke down, it just feels like 5 years worth of history crashed through my mind all at once, it really hit me when i had to give paulette my badge and i gave away all the stuff that had accumulated in my locker, gloves, box cutters, freezer hats
this really was the longest running most dependable thing in my life, 5 years 3 months, over $130,000, i worked there when i was at SLU, LSU, and LSUHSC, i moved 4 times, lived in 4 different cities, and still maintained that same job, it was consistent through all the changes, my only sense of regularity,
but its time to move on, my interview for oschner is tomorrow and im counting on getting it, i have weekends now to do whatever i feel like, i may even study and try to bring up my sagging GPA (3.364), this job was really a burden on my academic life, if i had had parents to support me, my GPA might have been around 3.5 instead of 3.1 and i may have gotten into to med school, something i dont really want anymore, that job is the reason i am here today, for better or worse, i am pleased with the outcome
for now, im just going to enjoy being unemployed and poor for a while |
|
|
| the leap of faith? |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|09:25 am] |
well, its been a while since i posted, lots of stuff has gone down, im finally quitting my job, for those of you who don't know, i plan my major life events sort of like strategic military operations. the latest one, operation leap of faith involved quitting my job and assuming that i could pick up an internship by the end of the semester or within a few months. the leap is the time i spend without income.
Well, walmart gave me way more vacation time than i expected so i ended up working off and on for longer than i expected, and my boss started working my schedule, doing everything she could to keep me longer. Thats all history now, 3 months later, im down to my last week of sick time, its starting to sink in that i have to change my lifestyle for a while and not buy whatever i want.
my last day is in 2 weeks. I didnt plan on actually having job lined up already, base pay rate is 10 an hour, quite a drop from the 18.80 i make now, but its totally worth it, i know 10 an hour isnt bad but i can only work so many hours a week, this is basically the only con, the pros include... getting exposure to nursing and learning how everything works, weekends to play, i want to say again but really i have never had weekends to play, ever. No more night shift and going to school a few hours later, and best of all, no more commute, that saves 2 hours a day and tons of expensive gas,
so, operation leap of faith ended up being more like a step, the idea was that i would quit and float for a while not knowing when my next pay check would be, but it ended up being a rather controlled mundane step, sometimes i wonder if all this careful life planning is the best way to live, i always feel like i have total control, but i wonder what it would be like to just not know whats going to happen, to actually make a leap, not having any idea what the future might hold |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|01:40 pm] |
|
im finished with school for the semester, and im moving out of the north holiday house with my dad and matt (brother), and im moving to the dorms at lsuhsc and my grandparents' ranch in mississippi, so life should be getting way better and i will post a little more, and ill put some pictures in, quick task list for things i have to do this month, put together my jet ski, move all my stuff, do as much work on the holiday house as i can, set into motion the beginning of the end of my career at walmart, and build ViRGiL the super computer, name significance? virgil was dante's companion guiding him through his trip in hell, its my gift to myself for surviving this last semester, and the 42 inch high def tv |
|
|
| my love life in a reply |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|10:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
this was a reply to someone else but i thought it was good enough to post, it sort of outlines how i feel about the world of love right now, note that it is directed at someone and not to the everyman as usual
this post was so painful for me to read, like, take out the relationship part and you pretty much nailed my love life on the head, im 25 now and in those 25 years i have yet to be in a relationship, i work and school 7 days a week and have been doing that for the last 5 years and i jump around too, never the same place more than 3 years, ill just say that its a sad life and i feel your pain and lonliness, im hoping that i can at least say that i had a relationship before i turned 30 but right now i can say that its doubtful for at least the rest of nursing school, not impossible but unlikely, i would say you need to squeeze some fun in there, but i am the worst example of having a social life so dont ask me how to manage time for that
and about that whole idlely waiting around, well, that will only get you so far, you wont meet anyone in your room, and your chances are still low at work, its all about exposure, why do you think that the hard core christians marriage rate is so high and young....CHURCH!, though i didnt do any statistical analysis to come that conclusion, im not saying go to church so much as just to get yourself out there
you are obviously craving some intimacy though you manage to be content when alone, i know this all to well, i also have the problem of being content when im alone, the downfall is when you get hit with a lonely spell, or some grossly cute couple starts making out in front of you, i go through the same cycle, and it is a cycle, and while it can be influenced by hormones, this is much more into the simple logical realm, at first you realize you are lonely, then you realize you should do something about it, you go to do something about it, get bored with whatever situation you put yourself in, realize that its ok to be single, then you are content again, ive been doing this my whole life, and yes, it is a VICIOUS cycle, its like singing the song that never ends with lambchop, if you are craving kisses and hugs, may be even just a warm body that can cuddle and watch a movie with you and laugh with you, a person who can appreciate that kind of humor,..like i am, there are people like that out there, i happen to be one of them, and im a guy, and single, im living proof that there are people like that out there, that crave that sort of desire for company but is also so independent that i am not dependent, but here is the rub, we are also super busy, which is the reason why we are single, at least thats the excuse that lets me sleep at night,
there are fibers down to the very core of my being that hate me for what i am putting myself through, sometimes being a delivery boy and living in a trailer doesnt look so bad, so long as you have the right person, but i am already dedicated, im going all the way now, hopefully.....scratch that, there had better be some better days waiting for me when i finally do get free time to date people, or just find someone who likes to cuddle, and its not even about the sex, i went without sex till i was 22, and yeah, sex is good, really good, but i can live without it, i did for long time, im doing it now, its just like a lifestyle, its just about all these couples that are so into each other around me and im lonely as hell and i feel weird talking like this cause i feel my ego dying a little inside, but im saying it, there, im done |
|
|
| this was a comment i made, i thought it was long enough to post |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|04:23 pm] |
|
nothing easy about being in theater, i say that like i know what im talking about, i really dont, i just watch james lipton on inside the actor's studio all the time and all their crazy stories about how they made it big, trick about most degrees from college is that they really are just a peice of paper, i like to think of them more like a key, that opens the door to the next step, the rub of course is finding the door that the key unlocks, and unfortunately you dont always find a door, its all about persistence, you never fail until you give up, and with acting, there is a lot of luck involved, so you should make a lil luck for yourself, start looking for the right places to be and be there, when steven speilburg got into directing, he was a little kid for one thing, but he wanted it more than anything, he was a natural, not knowing anyone, he broke into the movie studios via a tour bus and just hung out and met everybody and learned the business, step one is knowing where you want to go, step 2 is being there, like i came to nursing school not knowing if i wanted to be a nurse or a doctor still, the med school is in the same building and i figured being a doctor is way too much work, nursing makes the most sense right now, but who knows what i will be thinking later, im going to quote grey's anatomy's theme song..."nobody knows where they might end up.....nobody knows...." |
|
|
| am i becoming numb? |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | life right now is just whateve | ] |
B. F. Skinner was a behaviorist, he did electroshock on dogs and came up with the theory of learned helplessness, highly controversial but effective, the result was that eventually the dogs just stopped reacting and sat there and took the shocks, i think that was skinner, i dont feel like looking it up, but what i am saying is that between the BS at nursing school, the BS at work, and not making any progress on the house becuase of my brother, i am strangely not frustrated,
its like life as a whole got so frustrating, that i came out on the other side, i sit in traffic every day going to school and i just stare at the bumper in front, my boss at work never fails to piss me off with that know it all voice telling me how to do what i have been doing for the last 4 years even when she has never done it herself, and she just says it to say it, what she tells me to do actually slows everything down, she has never been out there to notice the dynamic nature of the dock, i just switch into to robot mode, emotionless, unable to process the world as a human because the person in me just can't handle the stupidity without walking out of the door, i need the money more than pride or happiness, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that the future will be better, otherwise, i am helplessly connected to my financial lifeline, alot of people would have stormed out of the door years ago, but i stay, completely simulating my personality as a happy person because the situation is, from a far away objective perspective, still better than walking out of the door, i am helpless
and matt, my brother, is a relentless asshole that doesnt have any desire to help with the house, he sits there all day everyday, not working, not helping, not paying rent, not fixing, he just wrecks the kitchen, smokes up his room, and sleeps, i dont have the power to kick him out, and i cant bail on dad because he cant make the note without my help, i am helpless
and nursing school, i had heard about nursing school and all the BS that was coming, having dealt with it constantly and surviving the crazy LSU system, the one beacon of light in nursing school, well, this semester anyway, is that i got Ruel for clinicals, i wont go into details, but she ruels, Ruel helps me, she offers constructive criticism, she builds people with positive energy, this seems to be the opposite of the others, a much needed breath of fresh air as i march through the noxious cloud that is my life right now
i could go on for days complaining about nursing school, im just going to say right now that there is nothing fun about being at the complete mercy of teachers, its not even the material, its just the mess that it is presented to us,
but even worse, being at the mercy of a fellow student, allow me to explain, there are a string of tests coming up that could mess up a lot of our class, our wonderful student government saw this and arranged with the teacher to move it 2 weeks to give us more time to study, but the one condition was that everyone had to agree to move it, well, everyone didnt, one person stood up and disagreed becuase he was in a different half of the class and felt like it wasnt fair, so he would rather suffer himself than see the other group seemingly get an advantage, he did this knowing that the class would hate, i kind of felt this coming, the teacher through me/all of us a bone and Eddie stood up and in one fowl swoop knocked it to the ground, this makes no sense to me, so why am i not frustrated? because none of it makes sense, i knew coming in that we would be faced with all this bullshit, i asked some grads i know about it, they said be ready, and i am, ultimately this little stunt by eddie wont mean anything, it is unlikely to make or break anyone, but i guarantee that he will be hated for the rest of the year, publicly everyone is respectful, but when he and the teachers arent around, you can feel the hate radiating off of people, he just wants to be hated, this makes no sense to me, there is no benefit to keeping it back because the third test is cumulative anyway, we need to go over everything for the third test, they could make them back to back and it wouldnt matter, i wish i could say i was surprised but i actually thought of him before he said anything, i thought of a few people spiteful enough to say something, would be willing to shoot themselves in the foot just to make sure you were shot too, but i just thought, shut up eddie, and he raised his hand and started his flaming bitching, i cant say i didnt try to like him, i gave him a chance though i am reluctant with that personality type, i made an effort because the class is so small and we have a long time together, but i am done, i just cant be around someone like that if i have a choice, i am not helpless here, he better hope he never needs any help or friends becuase the way people are talking, he is FUCKED for lack of a better word, he will have a miserable career at school, and probably a miserable life, all by his own design, i am absolutely a studier of people, but every now and then, some people come along that are just not logical, its like, i sort of understand how they work, they are fairly predictable, i just have no idea why they do it
but ultimately, when he says he wants to keep the original test date despite everyone being against him, I, like everyone else, are helpless, the only difference is, this class is still young and spunky, they still flinch when the electrodes hit them, all the bullshit ive put up with in these last 6 years of college has left me numb, just waiting for the next cold painful blow in the face of oppurtunity |
|
|
| this is why i hate mondays |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|09:53 pm] |
ill give you the time frame
1100 pm, sunday night, get off of work (early) and drive home
1200 am, get home and start studying
130 am pass out on my bed while studying for my test
630 am, sleep in cause i didnt set my alarm clock
815 am, walk into pharmacology late because of traffic, ignore lecture and study for test
1000am, short lecture then test, totally easy
1130 am, workout
1230 pm, drive to work
150 pm, get to work and slam lunch before clock in at 200
700 pm, floor scrubber in the freezer (at the warehouse) doesnt pick up water fast enough and ices floor, no body is allowed to move frieght till its cleared, basically this was a set back for the shift
1100 pm, Shellie the lift putaway driver is fired for hitting the lift to many times because of ice-unrelated to the scrubber incident, boss lady says i have to stay and help becuase im the only unloader that is also a putaway driver
415 am, clock out from work and drive home
515 am, arrive home
530 am, pass out on bed
TOTAL HOURS OF BULLSHIT= 23
and there was still more to do when i left, she let me go because i was starting to hallucinate |
|
|
| the beginning of the end of an era |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
ive finally decided that it is time to quit walmart, its time to move on, i have set the date for mid feb, that is the light at the end of my tunnel, i also found out that at the end of my junior year, or may 2008, i will be a certified nurse tech, aka i will be able to work for about 15 bucks an hour till the end of school, so basically, once i quit work, i will be unemployed for the first time since....i was 16 i think, but i can save enough and live on student loans for one semester till i pick up a nurse tech job, the dorm is only 243 a month, and im going to stay unemployed until the end of the semester, that means, ITS LOU TIME!!!,
i am going to party like a fucking rockstar, on saturdays, on sundays, im going to hang out with my family on easter sunday, im going to see my baton rouge people, i havent had a real weekend off in 5 years, so this will be the first time ive even been able to really experience the world of weekends, even since i started working at 16, its always been on a weekend, i ve heard that this coming semester is the hardest one, im not worried about it, im maintaining a 3.6 working 40 hours a week, i figure with 40 extra hours every week to work on this stuff, i will be ok, not to mention with the 2 PM to 3 AM night shift gone, i will actually be awake for 8 AM lecture as opposed to now, thats right, minus the 2 hours of driving, thats only 3 hours, i don t want to get too cocky though, might come up from behind and bite me
as far as the house, my dad isnt doing anything to fix it, i cant say i didnt try, i told him that im moving out in 4 months and he will be on his own sold or not, he has had more than enough time, i am too busy to make his problems and matt's (brother) problems my problems, they have to fix their own lives, i offered my help and they arent taking it, i brought them water, im not going to stand around and beg them to drink it, he has 4 months, end of that story
i also got a bunch of new toys, i will post them at some point, also coal dog pics and all of his terror |
|
|
| good bye pavarotti |
[Sep. 6th, 2007|08:27 am] |
|
he died today, im pissed, i think that is step 3, in a few hours i will accept it and just be content with all that he gave to the world, so listen to some luciano today and remember |
|
|
| NERD ALERT! |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|02:14 pm] |
yep, i am a nerd, i lied on a couple, it asked me if i owned multiple books about a single historical figure, well, i dont read books, but i do look up information on them from multiple sources, this month's person of interest is Nikola Tesla |
|
|
| ive been naughty |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|08:19 am] |
i just spent like 2 grand on a new computer, the most suped up macbook possible, well, i only got the 160 gig harddrive as opposed to the 200, i cant imagine i would need all that space, i have the 500 gig external anyway, how did i pay for this you ask? chase student loans! i sold my soul to the devil basically, but this comp will be worth it, 2.16 GHz, its only weakness really is the graphics card, but im not a gamer so it doesnt matter, it will be here next week, and it has the intel processor so it can run windows vista real time, and run it faster than comps of comparable price brackets, its a beast, im happy, i just hope future Lou doesnt get too pissed about these loans, i think he will understand, NO REGRETS!!! CARPE DIEM!!!, did i mention i also got a promo 8 gig ipod nano with LouThePhat laser engraved on the back? pretty sweet |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
louthephat's journal